Freeclimbing: The Dating Trend We All Do When We First Match With Someone
Modern dating has a lot to answer for, but if we can play devil's advocate for a moment, trying to find love in the current world does have some advantages. The digital tools we have (that our parents and grandparents still can't get their heads around) can definitely make things easier. These days, we can use dating apps to find the one, and if we end up on a dodgy date, help is just phone call away. The internet and social media also make it particularly easy to find out details about your new love interest that would have been impossible in years gone by. But while arming yourself with information can be helpful, things become problematic when a simple search turns into freeclimbing. The Guardian describes this dating trend as a "dangerous fact-finding mission," where you delve deep into your new match's online history.
According to a 2021 Avast study, 50% of people who use online dating services will research their date before they meet up for the first time (via PR Newswire). However, given how many of us rely on social media and Google in a world that is increasingly digital, it's likely that the numbers have only gone up since then. Despite being common, freeclimbing is described as "dangerous" by The Guardian because the further back you dive, the more embarrassing it is to accidentally leave some evidence that you've been snooping. And unfortunately, getting caught is only ever a wrong click away. But aside from the possible humiliation, freeclimbing can put the success of your real-life date in jeopardy by potentially giving you untrue conceptions about your new love interest.
Why you might not want to freeclimb
If there's a way to get off on a good foot with your new date, accidentally liking a photo from their aunt's wedding seven years ago is not it. Unintentionally notify them that you've been stalking them, and you're bound to have some explaining to do. But beyond the risk freeclimbing poses to your dignity, you may also want to avoid this habit to give the date a better chance of working out. You shouldn't stalk someone on social media before a first date because it can give you a pretty false sense of who that person really is. The information you find can turn you off, even if that person would actually be a good match if you'd just give them a chance. But the more likely scenario is that freeclimbing will develop a false sense of hope in you. Most of us make our lives look more impressive than they really are on social media, and buying into the fantasy that this person portrays can leave you disappointed.
The other major problem with freeclimbing is that if you find out everything there is to know about a person before you even meet them, what are you going to have to talk about on the actual date? You can't tell them that you already know everything they're telling you about themselves, since that would involve admitting to stalking. While a little investigating might be okay, research to the point of freeclimbing isn't likely to do you any favors.
How much research is okay?
As it turns out, you don't have to go cold turkey on the pre-date "research" if you don't want to. Dating app Bumble reveals that some "light" stalking is okay before you meet someone in real life. This should involve checking for mutual friends and anything that stands out as a worrying red flag that could actually endanger you. A quick Google can let you know if this person has ever been arrested for kidnapping, for example. But other than ensuring that they're actually a real person and they don't have a criminal record, there's no need to dive in any deeper.
Psychotherapist Dr. Jenn Mann believes that sleuthing before a date can actually be productive as it can show you obvious dealbreakers before you waste your time meeting up with that person (via Yahoo! Life). So a quick glance on social media might also be okay, as this can help you rule out people that seem to spend every weekend partying, if you're not into that, or those who have conflicting values to yours. However, Dr. Mann also confirms that you shouldn't fall down a rabbit hole when investigating. Allow yourself a quick look to get a sense of this person and identify any immediate dealbreakers, but leave the true getting to know each other until you're face to face. The relationship will progress more authentically, and you won't have to worry about accidentally liking one of their tweets from 2009.